Those Eyes
by Pollyanna Depp Weasley
Summary: It is easy to look from outside and say that you would take different decisions; that you would make it another way, that you would not let it happen that way, but if you have more responsibility than you can take, greater fault than you can handle, how would you do?


**Those Eyes**

_By Polly Depp Weasley_

She wasn't prepared for the shock that she had that early morning when she opened the door to put the empty bottles of milk outside. The scream was uncontrollable, and her heart felt like it wanted to get out through her mouth. Her hands trembled as she hid her mouth, trying to restrain more screams when Vernon appeared on her back, holding her by the shoulders. The woman thanked him for it, because she thought she was going to fall behind. She looked at that little package, which was fidgeting, crying with fright because of waking up so abruptly, and thought of her own son, who should have more or less the same size of that child, maybe a little bigger, who knows?

- Who let this child here? - She heard the voice of her haunted husband, and could not answer. She just bent down, taking the boy that stood calm in her arms, and then, the letter that came along with him. She handed the letter to her husband and went to the room. Dudley was still asleep at that hour, and she stared stunned at the child's face. Those moist green eyes, open red little mouth, black hair and that scar ... It looked so painful, and Petunia touched the strange form of a lightning.

Those eyes were unmistakable. Even after all this time, Petunia would never forget the first time she saw that incandescent and warm color in someone's eyes, and that led to a tightening in her heart. The muscles in her thin neck were even more evident, because she knew what that child meant. She knew that for him to be there, something must have happened to them.

To _her_.

- Apparently the weirdo exploded. - That's what she heard her husband say, and with much effort she returned to her composure, raising dry eyes at him, the boy quietly resting in her arms. He knew he was among his kind, his family. But hardly knew what that meant. - There's nothing left of Potter beyond the destroyed house. I knew it! I knew there was something wrong! I spent the day seeing those ... Those _abnormal_ people talking something about Potter and about some V-He looked again at the letter. - _Voldemort_. What in the God's sake name is this?

- It is true. Disgusting. - That's what the woman said, but her voice was devoid of constant criticism that had always when it was about her sister and her _kind_. Because now it was reality. All she ever said lip service – that it was better that she never had an abnormal sister like Lily – actually came true. She didn't have a sister. Lily was dead. And that reminded her so many times as a child, that Lily had embraced Petunia fondly and said sweet nothings in her ear.

_"You're beautiful, Petunia. Do not let the girls at school speak evil of you. "_

That smile, those eyes ... Petunia felt something die inside. She could feel the joy in her sister's letter, almost two years ago, that she had read hidden from her husband.

_"I am pregnant! Pregnant! You will be an auntie, Pets! Your little one will have a little cousin to play with. Isn't it wonderful? "._

She remembered very well having said she would not accept her little Dudley playing with any child of that _abnormal filthy people_, and after that, Lily's letters became scarce to never arrive. She remembered very well that, on 31 July last year had received a short letter, after months without news of her sister.

_"It's a boy, Pets. His name is Harry. Harry James, named after his father. You know, if he were a girl I would name her Daisy ... To keep the names of flowers, like yours and mine._

_Your little baby was born in a while, right? What's his name, Pets? What is the name of my nephew?_

_With love - always -_

_Your Lily "._

She replied in secret, not wanting to seem weak to her husband, and at the same time didn't wanting to hurt her sister. She had thought many times about apologizing for her jealous behavior, but couldn't ... There was the pride of her family with Vernon, was what society would think. What would they think of Petunia and Vernon if they found out her sister was ... Well ... A Witch? Surely that they were crazy. But Petunia did not hate Lily. No. Perhaps, when she was younger, she would feel anger. Anger because her sister was special and she wasn't. Anger because her sister was the favorite daughter and she wasn't.

But once she got to adulthood, Petunia knew that it didn't make much sense. But the trials were worse. Once finished high school, it was expected that she marry, had a family. Expected her to follow the standards of society, and she eventually accepted to go out with a boy who came from a good family, was respectful, a right man. Eventually married and a few years later, Dudley was born. He was her greatest treasure. She had never felt so much love for anyone and knew Lily loved her own son with the same intensity that Petunia loved Dudley.

And only by seeing that child in her arms... To know that her sister's son had been entrusted to her, someone who always depreciate, who always treated her sister as a slag, made her heart hurt even more. Because Petunia believed she did not deserve that child in her arms.

- We will deliver the kid to some foster home or something. He must be a strange, abnormal, just like those...

- He stays. - Petunia said, rising suddenly, what scared the child.

- But Petunia...

- Vernon, he stays. I do not like the idea of being with him either, but what _will they say_, Vernon? What will they say about us if they know we put the son of my sister for adoption? No. You know it needs to be like this. Let's hide him. We have a small child, they will think the crying belongs to Dudley and will never suspect. He can even wear old clothes of Dudley. We need not worry and only bathe and feed him, and then, when He gets adult, we simply dispatch him. – She spoke, doing everything to hide the feelings that took care of her chest.

- Well ... Seeing it this way ... - Vernon said, handing the letter to Petunia and looking the boy over. – He hás the same face of that infamous bastard. No wonder if he becomes a bastard like his father. Too bad they didn't explode before giving birth. - The man spoke, and Petunia felt compelled to agree with her husband. It was what society expected of her. It was what everyone expected. Still was needed a long conversation with Vernon to keep the child, decide what they would do with it, but in the end, Harry stood.

That night, after putting Dudley to sleep, Petunia went to the place where she made a improvised crib for little Harry. He was still awake, with small purplish marks on his arms where his cousin had pinched. She could do nothing. Vernon would distrust of her intentions. She make sure to wait for her husband to sleep before going to the room, seeing those intense green eyes staring at her in the dim light.

She took the boy in her arms, sitting in the rocking chair and bypassing his small features with her fingers. That night, Petunia fed him with her own breast, feeling her eyes filling with tears, unable to restrain them. She wanted to love him. Wanted to take care of him like her own son, but what Vernon would say? What would He think of her befriending with abnormals like Potter? She wiped the tears that eventually hit the boy's face, feeling him suck her breast so hungry, so desperate for affection.

- Harry ... - She whispered his name, knowing that those eyes would torment her dreams forever. _Her_ eyes. And that made Petunia be so, so afraid. That world... That world of magic had taken her little sister away. Her Lily. Petunia had tried to take care of her, protect her as any big sister would do with her little sister... And in the end, that horrible world had torn her sister appart. Lily has been torn appart from her arms, and returned as a child with an uncertain future, as destructive as his own mother's.

Petunia would not let that happen, at all. She would show what was safe. That world of terrible magic would be erased from existence. Harry would know that his parents died in a car crash, and Petunia would teach how normality is good and especially, _safe_. Any foreign matter, anything involving that terrible school would be erased, and Harry would live as the normal boy he should be, as her sister should have been from the start.

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><p>Petunia knew this day would come. And she had longed for that day since the Day she received Harry in her arms: When the boy would become an adult. And now, looking at the man that Harry had turned to be, the hardness in his eyes, the fact that he still looked very thin and sickly, yet strong and fearless, she felt a pain in her heart. She wanted to hold him and spoil him as she did the day she met her nephew. She wanted to tuck him into her chest, saying that they could still be happy. Could still be <em>normal<em>. But there was no turning back. There was no way to clear 16 years of suffering she had caused that child, destroying his dreams in exchange for a fake normality. Petunia knew she could not fix her mistakes, and the only thing she could do was say how much she was sorry. Say how much she regretted the harsh words, the unjust punishment, to have always openly preferred her own child in relation to Harry.

She loved Dudley. She loved him with all her heart, and knew many of his actions were motivated by that exacerbated love she had for his son.

But Heavens, she also loved Harry. In a strange and inconceivable way, but she loved him. And so she tried to control her tears. Tried to control the pain of knowing that she had no more control over Harry. She had no way to protect him from that world that was taking him to death and also took Lily. She would lose again those eyes, and there was absolutely nothing she could do to protect Harry, as she couldn't protect Lily. She could see the hatred in the boy's eyes. He would never understand her actions, and Petunia could never explain them. How could she?

She felt an urge to hug him, but just looked at the outside.

- Do you think I don't know what they're capable of? You didn't just lose a mother that night in _Godric's Hollow_, you know? I lost a sister. - It was what came out of her mouth, and neither she nor Harry were prepared for this explosion of sincerity. She turned back, feeling her legs wobbly and shaky hands. She couldn't look back. She couldn't falter now. Dudley and Vernon expected her to be strong, and she would be.

As she passed the door of the house, she touched the plate with the number four at Privet Drive, remembering the overwhelming feeling she had when she took Harry in her arms for the first time. Silently, she asked God to protect him before getting in the car and try to live her life away from all that abnormality, all that circus freaks.

But Petunia knew, oh, she knew very well that by the end of her life she would be tormented by those eyes.

_His_ eyes.

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><p><strong>AN.: **Hello guys! I'm Polly and this is basically the first time I try to translate any of my fanfictions. I'm not a native english speaker so I hope you're not harsh on me about this, I tried really hard.

I had the Idea of this oneshot today, and it came out like a relief whisper. I hope you like it Just as I liked it.

Kisses from Brazil :*


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